I hope you are happy & well these days.
In the past months my spiritual path has led me to experience more present moment awareness, and awareness of the non-duality inherent in all creation. We are all connected; united by the same divine spark.
I have moments of experiencing that oneness with all... & I feel such peace. Then there are days when my ego is tugging me to notice how separate I am...mostly this manifests in extreme feelings of inferiority regarding my looks. Some days I feel like such a gargoyle. Seems others don't want to talk to me, that they feel turned off due to my appearance. My thoughts spiral into negative territory.
It's more than fine that no one thinks I'm gorgeous or hot anymore. What troubles me is that I feel isolated, left out, disconnected.
I do my best everyday to put my best foot forward. I wear makeup, do something with my hair (which now has a few streaks of gray), wear flattering colors, pretty sweaters or tops, a scarf or jewelry. While I'm not in top shape, I'm not a heavy person. In other words, I don't think I'm that hideous when I walk out the door.
Once a woman's beauty fades does looking "upscale" become what drives the good opinion of others? Is this why women get designer clothes & handbags, big diamond rings, & drive status cars? In the absence of beauty & youth can we only make an impact wearing our bank account on our sleeves?
Sorry for sounding so negative. I've had some bad days with this. Today was a real "gargoyle" kind of day. Something's got to change in my head about this! It's so ridiculous but powerful at the same time. I'm getting so that I dread leaving the house some days (but I still march forward!).
Thanks for any insight you are willing to share.
Thoughts of our unworthiness are thoughts that come to every human being. Too many people try to drown these thoughts and the feelings they engender in drugs or drink because they are extremely painful. Fear is a painful thing and these thoughts are an extension our our existential fear. At some level we sense that we are very fragile creatures set in a chaotic and often hostile world over which we have no real control.
So what is the answer to our fear? First we must recognize it for what it is. A negative, painful thought that we should not pursue. And we should accept it for what it is. A negative, painful thought that we should not pursue.
We should instead turn our thoughts to something more productive and positive. Tell ourselves that we have put ourselves into stress, fight or flight mode by entertaining such unwholesome thoughts and perhaps some deep breathing and relaxation might help return us to some kind of equilibrium. Pursuing this painful thinking just makes our mood depressive and despondent. It also isolates us from the real world we share with our fellow man. We should do what we can to reconnect with this world. Go to a movie, call a friend for lunch, take a walk or run, do some exercise.
There is no arguing ourselves out of this painful place with logic or cognitive thinking. Remember, it was Joel Goldsmith who said, “We cannot get to Truth through the reasoning process. We must distract ourselves (once we have accepted that we are in a temporarily painful place). Drown the thoughts temporarily with some nursery rhyme or nonsense word just to break the thought pattern. Try some relaxation exercises because our bodies at such a time are all tensed up and that it part of the pain.
Then try to re-engage with the regular workaday world somehow. Just a walk around the neighborhood, a friendly word from a passerby, or a clerk in a store is helpful. We must be proactive to get out of this "slough of despond." In an earlier era such thinking was thought to be a sin. It probably is a sin. It's just so easy to feel bad. We must bestir ourselves to feel better little by little. This is an important understanding which is so simple it is difficult to grasp.
THE REAL LAW OF ATTRACTION: We do not attract what we want (good thoughts, good feelings, good life), we attract WHAT WE ARE. You have to think about this until it seeps into your understanding. You cannot change your life without changing your thoughts. Good thoughts lead to good thoughts, to a good life, period. There is no other way to a good life except through your own thinking.
Sometimes is helps to substitute Emil Coue's mantra for the nasty thinking. "Every day in every way I'm getting better and better. Every day in every way I am choosing more positive, wholesome thoughts and soon my mind will no longer dwell on these terrible negative thoughts."
Small chores are sometimes a good distraction. And remember. The smallest step in the right direction turns us 180 degrees around from going in the wrong direction.
Let us not be a drag on humanity. Let us relax our tense selves, drag ourselves out of the despondency by turning away from it and saying a prayer for those others who may be in such a state and whom we may somehow help by simply helping ourselves. A. B. Curtiss
Dear A. B.
Thanks so much!
Yes, it always is the answer to turn to a positive thought, isn't it? My fear is a mental construction...you can't touch, taste or smell it...it is not real. I might as well think a more uplifting thought than "Here I am, in the middle of Target, looking like a gargoyle." I could think "Here I am lucky to be shopping in Target!"
I do practice this-
"... saying a prayer for those others who may be in such a state
and even in the middle of Target, that may not be a bad idea either!
With gratitude, G
You have put the concept very well. Don’t forget, you can always ask for the Grace that allows you to think better thoughts. A. B. Curtiss