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Friday, June 8, 2012

I'm Visiting a Relative and They're Getting on My Nerves

Hi, I won't post your question as you asked, just my edited reply. My advice is this. As long as you are visiting and are the houseguest of someone, especially a close friend or  relative that you want to have a continuing relationship with, you do what they want, not what you want. You go out of your way for them and do not expect them to go out of the way for you--even if it hurts, and it probably will.

You don't judge their emotional stability or the rightness or wrongness of what their interactions with their own family might be. People are to be left alone in their own homes. We all do the best we can. You will find the situation changes back to normal when you meet on neutral grounds, either when they visit you in your place or at least away from being a guest at their place. From this neutral territory or if they become the guest, you can decide how much going out of your way you want to do and you will learn to be political about it so you can sidestep someone who might be wanting to take advantage of you babysitting wise, dog feeding wise, waiting for delivery men, etc.

The hardest thing we will ever do in our life is to accept other people's stupidity and give them space and respect for their bottom line humanity and human connection to us. No one wants to be the last man on Earth. We need each other.

It's hard to accept other people flaws because we can only see their flaws and now our own. We never see our own stupidity, unfortunately, just other people's .The good part of seeing other people's stupidity is that we can decide that at the very least we don't want to do what they are doing. We'll still be doing our own stupid stuff but it's one way to cut it down when we see what we don't like in others and decide to check it our in ourselves. For this reason I have always believed that being a therapist is the best way to become sane yourself. By avoiding in your own life other people's bad examples. A. B. Curtiss

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hello Dr. curtiss. I am not sure how to ask a question to you as my outlook is not set up. Could you please email me with an address where I can pose my question and which you can hpopelfully respond to. Warm regards. habiba.