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Sunday, June 13, 2010

A Crowd of 700 People Put Me in a Down Mood Again

Dear A.B Curtiss

Would like to thank you again for the changes I have made so far. I just wanted to tell you I felt in a really good mood after the strong commitment I have made. This mood continued for a month.

After I went to a big celebration for graduation and meeting at least 700 people in the hotel for three days, I started to have the old mood. I am working again in restoring that good mood by doing jogging and some brain exercises.

I just need you comment and support on this. Thanks again for all the support you've given and the changes you helped me make. F_______

Dear F_______

It is very easy to get self-focused in a large group. It's human nature to feel frightened when your ordinary surroundings of a few people change suddenly to a crowd situation. This fear is normally automatically dismissed and is usually beneath our level of awareness. This is because it is also human nature to avoid the pain of our fear by blaming. So we start to either blame ourselves by thinking that we are somehow inadequate, or blame others for being cold to us.

Others aren't cold. We are withdrawing from others into self-focus, and therefore we feel alienated. No one is alienating us.

The cure for this is to get interested in what someone else has to say. Reach out and talk to someone else. If the first person fails to be interested, move on until you find somebody that appreciates your attention--even if it's the waiter at the party. Doesn't matter who you extend yourself to.

It's not the content of who you talk to or what you say. It's the process of getting out of self-focus into more objective and outer-directed thinking. Just take the first step, usually the second step will immediately become clear to you.]

Social anxiety is usually caused by repressed fear or simply lack of social practice. If you don't learn social interaction skills as a child because of lack of proper parental coaching and support, then you have to learn these skills as an adult. It takes some initial courage, but once you are determined, you progress very fast. I always suggest two things as a help--take a pubic speaking course with Toastmasters, Int'l, and read Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People.

Jogging is good and brain exercises will soon get you back up to where you belong. ]

A. B. Curtiss

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