I am struggling with issues I have brought to you before. My husband is very unhappy at work. He hasn't pursued another position yet, but expresses a desire to do so when the right thing comes along. In my opinion, he has severe issues with getting along with others...his ego is too wrapped up in "being right" and in how he is being "treated." He is a very smart person, & very good at what he does, I have no doubt. But, job after job, he ends up quite angry & very, very dissatisfied. He has commuted long distances in the past in order to leave a job & go to another. This time, there are no other options within commuting distance. We'd have to move.
I'm working hard to get the house we bought in 2006 (high market) in shape & more updated. I've worked on the house since we moved in actually! Am currently getting ready to have a large master bathroom remodeled. I am not a contractor nor a designer, & I'm pulling it all together myself, trying to get the most impact for as little money as possible & not compromise on quality. I research things like crazy & study up on toilets, tubs, tile, etc.!
Guess my frustration and fear lies here...in all the time, effort, thought, energy & money, that has gone into this house. We've already done kitchen updates, had a big paver patio & walkways installed, & just had a new heating & cooling system put in. We must do all these things to simply sell this house, & we won't get what we paid for it in 2006...not even close.
I also feel frustrated & fearful regarding my husband's work, since this job issue has been an ongoing "crisis" for a quarter of a century now. He seems to derive his entire identity from his work, (which I realize many men do.) Asking him to calm down, chill out, get a life, a hobby, etc., only rubs him the wrong way. He takes his work very seriously...too seriously, I think.
I am grateful that he works so hard & provides well for us, but the situation begs the question...at what price? I don't know how to see this anymore with a positive outlook. I never know what to say to him, what to advise him. I used to naively think that "this time" the new job would make all the difference & he'd finally be happy. It never turns out that way.
Is there an answer? I know so much of how we deal with things rests in how we frame them...how we look at them. I can't seem to find the rosy lens through which to view this now.
Turning our lives upside down & moving again...for what? I feel really depleted and disappointed.
Yes, I probably am too focused on my husband's flaws! Thought he'd have grown out of a lot of this by now, but guess that I too, still have a lot of growing up to do!
...see things in a different paradigm--in terms of the other's flaws (and the fact that they are doing their best) rather than in terms of their being attacked or devalued by these flawed people.
He does seem to often feel attacked! When he's talking about people at work, is there anything I can say to help him feel less defensive & attacked?
In whatever scenario I find myself (& who knows if the house will sell, or when, or where we will end up!) I will focus on making choices that will foster peace and order. I will continue to focus on doing my best with the home improvement projects. I do want to do a good job for the sake of it, & see how much improvement I can achieve with my bath makeover.
Those who are wise will see beyond what they are "entitled to" (more money, better husband, good health) and see what they can manage to create out of whatever adversity comes their way.