Got Hit With Depression Again

Hi A. B.

Been a long time since we corresponded. I was doing good for a while but I have hit a bump in the road with depression trying to come back in. I have a few questions for you when/if you have time.

Firstly let me say that I tend to think negatively in general. About myself (too poor, chubby), and my life (world is a sad scary place, people are no good anymore, TV is all important, only looks matter to people) etc. Odd thing is, even with those thoughts milling about, my mood can be OK for long stretches and then...boom. When the Fall comes I start the fearful thoughts about how I tend to start depression cycles in the Fall and "how will I avoid it this time?! and oh my I am going to get so depressed!"....yadda yadda. So what happens, of course I start to get depressed.

I am practicing techniques from Brainswitch out of Depression. I am determined to not give in this time. The first big depressed feelings came on Saturday (but there was the build up as I described above). So, I immediately lose my appetite and you know,all the familiar symptoms start returning and I think "CRAP...I may not survive this one! Why can't I be like other people? What if I am not strong enough to derail this! Great there goes sleeping!"?

Questions:
As I practice, how do I keep from feeling like I am under constant threat of thoughts? I have this general "I am not safe" feeling. Like I must be on alert at all times for the negative thoughts and therefore I can't relax.

Another Question:
If I don't "put the lie" to some of these thoughts won't they keep returning? Do they need looking at? Is there any benefit to answering back? Or do we just say "hi thought, I am not going to pay attention to you"? I ask because I used to do these exercises that David Burns recommends that are take the thought, write it down and then categorize it under one of his ten categories of irrational thoughts and "put the lie to it".

Example: I am depressed and always will be. Thought type: labeling, all or nothing, etc. Truth: I am not always depressed, only sometimes and I live through it and this will pass. In general my life is good.

Do you see any value in this type of exercise? Or do I just thought-jam as soon as it comes? Hippity-hop! Will burning the hippity-hop pathway make the yucky thought pathway die down eventually to the point that it won't return. Or do you think on some level these thoughts need more of a punch in the gut, or some kind of rational answer to keep them at bay? I tend to have this thought that if I don't look at some of these thoughts, then I won't be able to prevent the horrible things they are telling me will happen.

I appreciate your books and your existence. Your success in a major inspiration to me. When I feel like I can't do it, I recall that you did, so if someone can, then I must be able to. In Brainswitch you mention that millions of people have recovered from depression, I keep reminding myself of that. It's true right? :)

Warm regards,
R

Dear R.

I'll answer your questions in the letter you wrote

YOUR QUESTION:

As I practice, how to I keep from feeling like I am under constant threat of thoughts? I have this general "I am not safe" feeling. Like I must be on alert at all times for the negative thoughts and therefore I can't relax.

MY ANSWER: The thought pattern "I am not safe" is a strong one because as you think a thought over and over, it becomes dominant. But just because a thought pattern is strong in your brain does not mean that the thought has any basis in reality. In reality you are safe. Your thoughts have no power over you. You can always think any thought you want to think, can't you? Hippoty hop. Replace the thought "I am not safe" with the thought "I am safe now" Whenever the thought "I am not safe" occurs, replace it with "I am safe now." or you can use "I am okay." You always have the power over your own brain to think any thought you want to think. Fear is just a thought. You can replace fear with a nonsense thought, or some other more productive or objective thought any time the fear thought comes up. Your fear "bank" is full because you keep investing in fear thoughts. Your safe "bank" will fill up as you invest it with more "I am safe" thoughts.

YOUR QUESTION: If I don't "put the lie" to some of these thoughts won't they keep returning? Do they need looking at? Is there any benefit to answering back? Or do we just say "hi thought, I am not going to pay attention to you"? I ask because I used to do these exercises that David Burns recommends that are take the thought, write it down and then categorize it under one of his ten categories of irrational thoughts and "put the lie to it".

MY ANSWER: The exercise that David Burns uses is a good example of cognitive therapy, changing rational thinking for irrational, emotional thinking. But putting the lie to an irrational thought can never erase it. All you can do is keep doing the exercise when the thought pops up. Once you think a thought, it is forever in your memory banks. However, the less you think any thought, the less powerful it is.

David Burns' exercise is okay because doing the exercise is certainly better than thinking the negative thought. But once you understand how the mind works you can see that the exercise is, in a way, just going around in circles. Once you decide that any negative thought is no longer an option, you needn't put the lie to it (which, because the brain works by learned association can even make the negative thought stronger) you simply turn away from the negative thought, give it no more energy, and proceed to think a more positive, objective, or productive thought which sets you going ahead in the right way with your day. Even a nonsense thought keeps you from thinking a negative thought. And progressing from the nonsense thought, you can move on to more productive thinking.

Depressive feeling is also a thought pattern which is strong because you have allowed depressive thinking for so long. But as you successfully brainswitch out of the depressive feelings, you can then move forward with your day. Productive activity and thinking will sooner or later bring about better feelings. Bad feeling are just long-standing bad thinking habits. You can do it. I still get depressed feelings especially at night when I wake up. They are just as bad as they ever were except that I have tied to them (by learned association) the thought that I can do a mind exercise to get out of the bad feelings. Then I do the exercises. Then I get out of the bad thoughts and bad feelings in just a few minutes.

Now instead of my being depressed for days or weeks like I used to. I am out of it in 5 or ten minutes. I no longer have fearful thoughts worrying about maybe I might get depressed, because I know that if I get depressed, so what, I can immediately get out of it. I know I do not have to pay attention to my depression, and so it no longer has any power over me. It is just an old thought pattern that pops up now and then, and hurts like hell, but can't stay long because it has no power. It can't use me any longer because I know I don't have to think it. I can think something else instead.

A. B. Curtiss