Imprisoned by Depression All My Life

Dear A. B Curtiss

Thank you

Just found your sight! Just started reading. Thanks a million. I've been imprisoned by depression and fear all my life. Shyest person ever born. I face anxiety every day, ever-present gloom. I am a CPA and have to deal with people. I do persevere.

I think I have stumbled on something good here with your website.

Yes, I'm on Lexapro. I've been on Prozac and Zoloft. Can't tell any difference while on the medication, just hoping one day it will work.

I do however feel better when I drink water regularly.

I don't know why I won't keep that up, because I know it works. That is the question I was looking for the answer to today, any advice?

I self diagnosed myself as borderline where your same sex parent rejects you when you are fairing well and loves you only when you need them. I'm embarrassed to tell you what I think.

Didn't mean to write so much.

Dear J.

It's good to drink a lot of water. It feeds all your vital organs including your brain. The human body is more than 50% water. But it takes effort to drink a lot of water. I don't know why that is. I drink 40 ounces of water every morning as a regular practice before I eat anything. I have found it is easier to drink hot water than cold. Then I found out, quite by chance, that drinking hot water is better for you than drinking cold water. But hot or cold. It is an effort to drink water--making it a morning ritual gets it done the best.

The best cure for depression is to learn how your brain works so you can stop being the slave to your own thinking.

The best cure for shyness is to take a course in public speaking. There are Toastmaster's International groups in every city in the country. They are very inexpensive. Also read Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. It's an old book but a wise one.

Don't worry about being rejected by your parents. At least they gave you life and now it's up to you to live it. So stop blaming them for anything. As a matter of fact if you stop blaming entirely you will get in touch with all your repressed fear. When you have done this you will no longer be a shy person. Shyness is just another word for fear.

As you will learn from my book Depression is a Choice, blame is the mechanism we use to avoid our own fear. I'll be glad to answer any questions you have. What are you presently doing to help yourself in a pro-active way when you get depressed?

A. B. Curtiss

Dear A. B.

Thanks for writing back!!

I read the intro to your book Thursday and printed off a few pages to read and re-read. This weekend I used the technique of stopping the out of control thinking with "You can't figure it out", and "thinking doesn't CHANGE anything" and just generally re-directing from ME to more outer-directed thoughts.

I also reminded myself that thinking bad things were happening and were going to happen FEELS like they really have happened. The part about depression not being reality based has helped a lot too. I must get your book as the part I have read so far is the best advice I’ve every had and I need tools.

I was raised in a very rural area and had several sisters, raised Catholic (the guilt thing) and everything was important. Being shy is being fearful. I have gotten better with practice

It would be something to master this thing! I must teach my children (as needed) when I learn. When my oldest was little and was afraid, I told him to "change the channel." I am enthusiastic to learn to do this myself. My children need a non- depressed mother.

I was doing nothing proactive about my depression before, except to get medicine from the doctor. I didn't know I could help myself. I thought feelings were something you had, and you were supposed to have. I didn't know I could pick them!

As a child of fear, feelings were a big part of my life. My mother told me within a year or two that she knew something was wrong with me. I was so scared in school that all I would move during class was my eyes and hands. I would hide in the bathroom between classes to keep from being seen. It was really bad! I chewed the wood off my pencil in the first grade to keep from asking the teacher to sharpen my pencil. On Sunday afternoon I was washed in the dread of going to school. etc. it's a lot....Just needed to let you know a little more history. I did go to counseling a few months, but she just wanted to me to talk. What you offer are tools!!

Again, thank you! J.

Dear J.
I’ll be glad to answer any questions as you read my books.

A. B.Curtiss