This Link Might be Helpful

Hi,

I've been a fan of your blog for awhile, after stumbling upon it a few months ago. Thanks for the great content! We here at Onlinecollege.org take good content seriously, and we recently published an article “10 Professions With the Highest Levels of Depression” that you may be interested in sharing with your readers. For your convenience, here's the link: (http://www.onlinecollege.org/2010/08/02/10-professions-with-the-highest-levels-of-depression/) if you'd like, you can also find the story on our blog home page.  

I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for your time and take care!

We Remind Each Other to Face Fear, not Repress it

Dear A. B. Thanks for your reply!

I am sorry to hear that your back problem and medications wreaked such havoc, but am so impressed by your response to the upheaval.  Thanks for sharing how you overcame the panic and moments of despair. 

In Depression is a Choice, you speak about how we needn't be afraid of our fearful feelings, that instead of escaping them we can invite them, own them, feel them and they will subside.  You did that, and the dog with big teeth and the loud bark did eventually lick your hand, wimper and wag its tail!

You also chose not to repress the fear, and turn it inward, which only would have exacerbated your pain.  You didn't project it either, and scream at your sleeping husband!  No, you practiced what you teach, and sat with it, breathed through it, and came out the other side into calm.

I hear your wisdom that knowing this is not enough.  We can't think our way to peace and contentment.  Also, study and reading will only take us so far.  We have to take the "lab" part of the course too!  Real-life application is the only way to grow and improve! Of course, sometimes I wish that we could just have the lessons "poured in," but ultimately I suppose it wouldn't be very satisfying to acquire  wisdom that way!   

You're a great example of someone who learns and grows through every experience you have, especially the tough ones.  I admire your commitment and am so very grateful that you share your journey. 

Sincerely,

Ginger

Dear Ginger,

Thanks so much for your encouragement. It is wonderful to be reminded by others so that I don't forget either how to practice what I preach. When the answers are all around us, mirrored in others and reflected back, it echoes all around that we need each other, we can't do it alone, and we must always encourage each other to strive to be strong, proactive and remember that some small positive thing is always possible even  when adversity hits us hard. We must each grow our own courage to move forward with our day. It doesn't matter how small a step we take as long as it is a forward one.  A. B. Curtiss

Knowing Techniques is not "Doing" Techniques

Hi A.B.!  Came across this article and thought you might find it interesting.
Seems the idea is catching on that what and how we think has an impact on our lives afterall!

Warm regards,

Ginger

http://www.economist.com/node/18276234

Dear Ginger,

Thanks so much for the link. The "bias in thinking the fearful rather than the neutral or positive" idea is a good one. Remember that Josef Breuer got his ideas by resurrecting the work of 18th Century Mesmer who profited from Paracelsus' ideas. And later Emil Coue carried the ideas into "suggestion" which became what we know as hypnosis.  Freud came to learn from Coue but he was too neurotic and controlling to understand the principles of hypnosis as a deep relaxation and meditation.

As far as our bias in thinking is concerned, unfortunately because the brain and its product the mind is basically a defense mechanism, our default program is always the anxious "guardian" looking for problems where there may be none. We can override this looking for problems and many people learn to do it as children. Those of us who don't learn to be more pro-active and positively thinking as children have the harder task of retraining our impulse reactive fearful  thinking as adults. It can be done, of course. And we must do it to live calm and productive lives.

My back problem was very difficult for me as I was on drugs and constantly fearful, sometimes actually escalating into panic attacks. Luckily I have done a lot of work in the past years to get rid of depression when it comes, so I had some tools at hand to get rid of the despair and fear. Not easy though. It takes courage and perseverence to insist on managing what you are thinking.

One terrible panic attack happened after I was suffering withdrawal symptoms from the medication because I came off it too fast. I had to say to myself " Hey, you know what this is, this is a panic attack. You don't have to run to the hospital or start screaming that you can't stand it and wake up everybody. But of course I had immediate empathy for those who do rush to the hospital because it is so desperate a feeling, like you are going to die.

So again I said to myself, "Hey you know that for a panic attack you need to do deep breathing, belly breathing, concentrate on your breathing, don't think about anything else but your breathing. Do it!! Do it Right Now!!!You have to take control of your thinking RIGHT NOW! Don't think about your terror. Think about belly breathing. BRAINSWITCH to belly breathing.

So I relaxed my body, took a deep breath, put my hand on my belly and with every breath in I said "in with the white light of healing and love" and with every breath out I said "out with the dark gloom of despair and fear. It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. God, it was so HARD! But I did it. I did it over and over for about twenty minutes. The terror would try to take over and I would switch my mind to belly breathing, back and forth until I could concentrate mostly on my breathing  and I did indeed recover completely, lying there in bed next to my sleeping husband. Of course I wanted to wake him and scream and yell and go crazy and leap out of bed and  insist he drive me to the hospital because "somebody has to HELP me."

So yes, what you think determines your emotional well being. But knowing that is not enough. You must put these cognitive behavior techniques  of brainswitching into practice over and over in your life until you develop tools that you can count on to save your life. A. B. Curtiss

Please let me Know if I have duplicated a letter

I'm doing my best to get a back load of correspondence on the blog.  Please let me know if I make a mistake and duplicate a letter. Thanks so much. The following letter was so encouraging that I post it kind of to pat myself on the back a little. It came at a good time when I was needing a little uplift. And in my response I describe my children's books a bit in case someone might be interested. A. B. Curtiss

Hi A.B.

I am a fan and really appreciated your book that depression is a choice and also Children of the Gods. My 11 year old niece recently lost her father in an accident.

I appreciate your children's books, but they are too young for her - she is an advanced reader in 6th grade.Given your qualifications I think you could write a really good book for teenage girls.

If you do please e-mail me so I can get on the wait list.

Best.

Ron Neely

Dear Ron,

Thanks so much for your encouraging letter.

Yes, many of my children's books would be too young, and I probably shouldn't disagree with you that some of my children's books are not  "too young" but here goes anyway. I would suggest you get neice a copy of In the Company of Bears sometime when you can give it to her in person as a kind of aside, "nothing" thing because of the "artwork" or something so she won't dismiss it as childish . It is very deceiving because it seems like a book you could give a 2 year old, which you can. But I have had many people people tell me how much the book meant to them. It seems to have a second level of meaning which is very calming and comforting. Even two widows (I might have dismissed this if it had only been one)  who lost their husband said that the book was so comforting that one said she had "worn it out."   

My book Hallelujah A Cat Comes Back is mainly purchased by adults and a Barnes & Nobles manager said she always suggested it to people who were "under stress" because it was so uplifting, and so is Time of the Wild mainly bought by adults and is used in High School for creative writing. 

My new book Dragons Guard the Zoo I sign for adults all the time--even a Marine who took it on a cross-country trip "just for company." People tell me I write children's books for adults. Look on my new website and ans see if maybe I have changed your mind, hopefully without annoying you.

I appreciate your suggestion about writing a book for teenagers. I will think about that. A. B. Curtiss

Well, I'm Still a Little Shaky but Pretty Much Recovered

I'll start by catching up on past correspondence.

Dear A. B.

For years I have brought our children to church because it has been important to me. After my depression, I became more serious about God. It has been evolving and I have moved churches a few times - becoming more and more "Christian"  That said, I now go to a church my husband thinks is "too Christian." He looked at the website and decided that; he has not been there.  I have been bringing our two, still at home, kids.  My 12 year old daughter loves it and has made good friends there. My 15 year old son told me yesterday the church "isn't me"and he wants to go to a church with my husband, who doesn't go to church.  My husband  would go to a church if it was a mainline church, but I have found them lacking in different areas.  

When my son told me this it was like I was punched in the stomach.  I so enjoy having my kids with me.  It is one thing I share w/my son.  He and his father play tons of golf, tennis and pingpong together and I thought, well, this is what I can share with my son.

The x church they might go to is one that my son described last year as "the people seem to just go out of duty and don't enjoy it like where we go."  I think he feels sorry for my husband, being alone. I also know my husband often asks him, "How do you like mom's church? "  Trying  to get a pulse on it, I feel like he is choosing "sides".  I think it is more that then any religious convictions.  I am worried about this. My husband and I have poor communication skills and have trouble talking about this issue.

I don't know how I should react to this. Should I just let him go where he wants? I feel like I am losing my son....I wonder, he is copying my husband in everything - all the sports. He told me "Dad likes x church and I think that is more my style, too." 

I have some dear friends at my church and they do genuinely care about me and my family, and I do things with them...and I feel like I have a family of sorts there, so I don't want to leave it.  Can you offer advice?

Thanks so much - again.  L______________

Dear L________

Sorry to take such a long time to answer but if you read my blog you will see I have suffered from a back problem. First of all, as you suggested it is optimum for the whole family to attend church and it is worthwhile to make a real effort to find a suitable match, one that will work for both husband and wife. Many people find a good middle in a mainstream church . Perhaps it might even serve as a compromise to actually attend "his" church for some functions and "your" church for others. I don't think it is set in stone that one has to attend just one church.This way if you find a more suitable match you don't have to give up the friends you have made in "your" church.

As for your son abandoning  you. At the age of 15 most boys start to bond more with their fathers than with their mothers. In a way it is a kind of rejection of the maternal in favor of the paternal but this is the way boys learn how to be men. Mothers cannot really teach their boys how to be men as well as fathers.

Again sorry for the delayed answer. Hope this helps. A. B. Curtiss

Still Improving

Still improving slowly. Another couple of weeks and I should be back.

I am Improving

My sciatica is slowly improving. I hope to be back in a week or two. I am so grateful for your prayers and good wishes