Happiness Affirmations that Really Work

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Dear Ms Curtiss

 I attached this as an example for positive affirmations that helped me a lot.

 1. I choose happiness to be my usual state of mind.

 2 The world is constantly smiling at me.

 3. I am the creator of my happiness.

 4. I am happy and content.

 5. I radiate happiness all around me.

 6. My inner happiness is growing and overflowing.

 7. Happiness is residing within me.

 8. I am constantly happy, under all circumstances.

 9.I feel happy throughout the whole day.

10.I am guided by the Universal power to experience bliss every moment of my life.

11. Outer circumstances have only a positive effect on me.

12. My happiness comes from within.

13. I am attracting happy people into my life.

14. I am always surrounded by happy people.

15. I bring happiness into other people’s lives.

 

Regards
R

Dear R,

Thank you so much for sending these. Just reading them over causes a lift in one's mood. They should help a lot of people.

Can You Recommend a Therapist Who Uses Your Methods?

As a result of the following letter I have decided to post on my website the list of those therapists who use my methods or suggest my books in their practice (which would mean their work was along similar lines.).  So if anyone knows of psychiatrists, psychologisits, psychotherapists or LCSW’s whose work is similar to mine , please let me know and I will add them to the list on my website. Here is the letter:

Hi~~

 I just left you a voice message.  Will you let me know if you didn't get it (if you're out of town or something)?  And then I will repeat the voice message in writing!

Basically, the succinct version, I'm an LCSW in private practice for 26 years, I love your book (it's the way I've been working with clients for many years), and I'm looking for help in finding a therapist for a 24 year-old in NYC (someone who might work the way you and I do).

Thanks so much!
 Leah Henigson

Dear Leah,

I'm so sorry but I don't know any therapists in New York that use my methods. I have been asked many times to recommend therapists in different part of the country. I think I will post your letter on my blog and perhaps someone will know of a therapist.

 I have heard from many therapists who use my book but somehow, over the years, I didn't think to organize that information into a list. Now I will start to do that and I will put your name on the top. So please send me your business number and address and I will post it on my blog. I'm always happy to hear that my book has been helpful and I thank you for your letter and for recommending my book. Although you didn't specify whether it was Depression is a Choice, or Brainswitch out of Depression. A. B. Curtiss

Dear A.B.~~

Thank you so much for your response.  And thank you for beginning to organize a network, of sorts.  My professional name is Leah K. Henigson, 232 Nutley St., Ashland, OR 97520.  Phone number is 541-488-8936. 

The book I was referring to was Depression Is a Choice; I didn't know about Brainswitch.  Now I have that to look forward to!! 

I would love to stay in touch.  And thank you for your commitment and courage in writing that book!

Leah

Dear Leah,

I have sent your information to my webmaster  to post on my website. A. B. Curtiss

Each Day is New and We are New With Each Day

Dear A. B. Curtiss

I read extensively in several disciplines (among which is psychology) and have amassed a fairly respectable library. Were I to rank all my books according to how effectively they dealt with their topic, Depression is a Choice would be at, or very near, the top. I am in my fourth reading since acquiring the book in, I believe, 2000. After my first reading, my focus has been not so much on depression, but on “choice.” (I wouldn’t even hazard a guess as to how many times I’ve read page 89.)

I say all the foregoing to introduce the following question: Have you ever considered, or would you consider writing a book on “choice,” not just as it pertains to depression, but as it pertains to all of life? I have come to the conclusion that “choice” is a marvelous and sizeable treasure that is simply handed to us long before we are capable of handling it responsibly. It has become disgustingly common and popularly acceptable for people, when confronted by their difficulties or failures, to deny the existence of choice or their misuse of it. Refusal to accept personal responsibility is so prevalent that, in my  opinion, it has become an element of our culture. Who knows if a book on the topic would change anything, but believe me, if I had credentials that would lend credibility to such a work, I’d try it myself. I hope you will give this serious consideration.

Thank you for Depression is a Choice. A applaud you for your honesty, and for mustering the courage to bare yourself to your readers.

Very Sincerely,

R.G.S.

Dear R.G.S.

Your letter encouraged me to read page 89 myself.  It’s good to be reminded, even for me. It is always a danger when we think we “know it all” already, and cease to remember that each day is new and therefore,  each day we see things not as they are, but as we are that particular day.  A. B. Curtiss

Can Depression Keep Me from Getting a Job?

Dear Ms Curtiss 

My depression keeps me fear from finding a job. 

I sometimes say how the employer will let me work if he knew or notice my case. 

I need help for this thoughts 

Thanks 

R

Dear R,

In the first place there are probably 100 million people in this country who are depressed some times. Make that 300 million. You are no different from everybody else. We all get depressed now and then. Some people just get out of it faster.

That's the only difference, some people get out of their depression faster. They can do that because they notice that first downer thought and zap it before it gets going good on their mood. Depression is much easing to zap when you make yourself aware of the downer shift right away.

The other difference is that some people who get depressed behave as if they are depressed. They sigh a lot, and look sad, and speak in a weak sad voice. The also put out their anger on other people. Others have decided that, even though they may be depressed at the moment, they will not BEHAVE in a depressed manner. They will be CHEERFUL, and mindful of others, and look for ways to feel better by connecting with other people. They will continue to concentrate on their work instead of their depression, and think about what they are doing and not think about feeling bad.

If you manage your behavior well, your depression need not keep you from doing well on the job. Go for it.

A. B. Curtiss

Why do we Fight? Blame it on our Brains

Loved this article in the Wall Street Journal. Another way to look at relationships. Or maybe we should call them relationshops, as in workshops. A. B. Curtiss

Why Do We Fight? Blame It on Our Brains.

By KATHERINE ROSMAN

My husband is smart. Super smart. Like, not only does he devour fat history books, but he can talk about them in an engaging manner that's neither stuffy nor oversimplified. He's good with numbers, too. And he knows the meaning of Latin root words -- a big turn-on to a crossword-puzzle addict like me. (He had me at salve.)

I love his brain. It's Joe's dominant quadrants I could do without. Recently, I got absolutely walloped by his lower left.

The fight was among the dumbest we've ever had because we weren't in disagreement.
We were driving to yoga class on a Saturday when I glanced at my iPhone. There was a note from a friend whose daughter is in a play group with our daughter. My neighbor let me know that the price -- the parents pay a retired Montessori teacher to lead the group as well as for supplies and snacks -- was going up for the summer session. I looked up from my phone and told Joe that "the Little School," as we call it, was going to be a bit more expensive.

"How much more?" he asked.

"I don't know, but not much," I answered.

"What do you base that presumption on?" he asked.

"My sense of things, having talked a lot with the other moms," I said.

"In other words, you have no idea," he said.

"No, I do have an idea," I said. "My idea is that it won't be a big increase."

"Right, otherwise known as having no idea," he said. Then he added, "One other question, what's the extra money for?"

I didn't answer. We drove in silence for about five minutes. Then I spoke: "Do you have a problem with our paying more for the Little School?"

"There is virtually no amount that I can imagine being called for that I would have a problem with," he said. "The Little School is worth every dime."

"Then what is the issue?" I huffed.

"The issue is, I still would like to know the specifics," he said, exasperated.

The Little School is something I had a big hand in setting up, something I'm very proud of. Joe knows this. He said he wasn't even worried about the increase. Yet he badgered.

I seethed in downward-facing dog.

After class, Joe got mad that I was still mad. It would be hours before we spoke to each other again.


Earlier that week, Joe had spent a few days at a business conference at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania.

"I got my personality tested today," he told me when he called from the hotel after a day of seminars and meetings.

"Did it get a passing grade?" I asked. (One of us thought that was pretty funny.)

One of the things that makes my husband a great guy, and a smart person, is that he is always integrating lessons from one part of life into another. The day after the Little School blow-up had blown over, Joe said to me, "I think we have very different dominant brain quadrants and when we fight, that's getting in our way." Then he reached into his briefcase and pulled out a folder.

It was from Personality School!

He began to set on the kitchen counter graphs and charts, the results of a Herrmann International brain dominance survey.

These brain analysis surveys are meant to identify which segments of a person's brain -- the part that controls rational thinking versus that in which we process conceptual ideas, for example -- kick into gear in the course of conducting business and when crises erupt.

"Here is how my brain works," Joe said, pointing to a jumble of charts, lines and graphs. He is a big A Quadrant/upper left guy: strong in quantitative, analytical and technical thinking. When he gets stressed, the analysis explained, he gets even more detail-oriented and focused on the sequence of what happened and who said what (B Quadrant/lower left).

If I needed any evidence of his methodical thinking, I might point to the fact that Joe was using a chart to show me why he thinks we got in a fight.

"I've taken it upon myself to conduct an analysis of your brain and you're are all upper and lower right," he said. I consulted the chart. This means I think artistically, emotionally and conceptually.

"It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know these things about us," I said, tapping into my own Quadrant A logic. Joe looked a bit hurt that I was dismissing his PowerPoint presentation. So sensitive.


I kept thinking about the fight. Joe did, too. Last Friday evening we began to discuss it further. Instead of poring over charts, we poured glasses of wine.

"I felt like you were criticizing me," I said.

"I was asking very straightforward questions," he said.

We were saying what the chart said. In a stressful situation, I got emotional -- and unable to recognize that his questions were reasonable. He got singularly focused on the details. He couldn't see that I was feeling criticized by his peppering me with questions to which I didn't have immediate answers.

Joe and I know how different we are. In the course of daily life, we often consider our individual differences a source of team strength. But when the tension mounts, the differences turn on us and we turn on each other. Maybe recognizing that will help us to be a little more patient.

"I don't know how I feel about drawing marital insight from a chart," I said.

"Technically," he answered, "it's a graph."

I leaned over and kissed Joe on the head. That brain cracks me up.
 
Write to Katherine Rosman at katherine.rosman@wsj.com

Reality is in the Eye of the Beholder

Relationships are difficult because we usually think we are the reasonable ones. Then why do we sometimes seem unreasonable to others? Because reality is always in the eye of the beholder. And that is why if we can take a split second to imagine there might be something else going on than what we are just about to react to, we can effect a different outcome. We can effect a different outcome because we will be having a different emotional reaction to the same scene. Instead of being angry, depressed, or upset in some way which we will then feel we must communicate to the other person, we will be okay and connected to them instead of distancing them . This holds true at home or at work.

Case in point from my own life.

My husband and I were cleaning up the patio. I was using the blower and my husband asked me to stop doing the patio and, instead, blow the wood chips out of the back of his car so he could move it and not get the blower dust from the patio all over his car. I was quite willing to do this and headed in the direction of his car. I stopped on my way to the car and asked him to move the two dog pads off the patio.

HIS REALITY: I wasn’t doing what he wanted by blowing the wood chips out of the car first and, instead, was asking him to move the pads so I could continue to blow off the patio.

MY REALITY: I was on the way to the car to do what my husband asked and only stopped to ask him to move the dog pads because I didn’t want to be late for yoga class and this would save me time when I came back to blow off the patio.

Result: he got angry and threw the dog pads aside in disgust. I was annoyed by his temper which I thought was uncalled for.

Later when we discussed the really inconsequential incident (it’s easier to discuss inconsequential incidents than huge big disputes) my husband said he would have been quite willing to move the dog pads to make it faster for me if he realized I was going to do his car first before continuing to blow off the patio.  Therefore he wouldn’t have been angry and upset and neither would I.

Actually at first when we discussed the incident, it wasn’t so successful and my husband said:

“So what you are telling me is that I shouldn’t reveal my feelings to you, that I should hide my anger from you.“

Of course that wasn’t the point and we finally got to the point. The point that was most difficult for my husband to see is that had he seen a different reality, he wouldn’t have been angry in the first place. It wasn’t a matter of not being honest about “communicating our feelings” is was a matter of seeing a different reality causes us to have different feelings.  This is why some wise man once said “an unexamined life isn’t worth living.” 

LESSON FOR US: My husband could examine his negative emotions to see if he could look at the situation in a different way and see a different reality. I could communicate my intentions more clearly even if I'm in a hurry.

What Did I Do Wrong?

Dear A.B. Curtiss

I was reading in your book today because I'm having a particularly bad day/ week/ month/... you get the idea. I've tried to focus enough to use your method but it seems like my mind is like a gear box that has seized. I'm exhausted from a lack of sleep due to the tension/pain I live in with my ribs/back. I am in the most fear I have been in at this point in my life and at the very same time the most peace. It's strange to feel that way. I know that I know everything is going to be fine and at the very same time the background subconscious is running frantically around saying that everything is wrong. I believe in the cool calm conscious part of my mind thankfully but what gets me is the fact that although this is not permanent I need to figure out what work needs to be done so that the primal mind stops harassing me.

Page 268 in your book Depression is a Choice points out that if we have some pressing issues we need to address we had better take care of them or our primal mind defense system is going to keep beating us up. I wholeheartedly agree with that. My issue is, What is my problem? You quoted someone in your book as saying that enlightenment is just the realization that there is no problem. I guess in reality the problem is that my mind has given me thoughts that I took at face value and then labeled problems. so in that sense I don't really have problems only the illusion of problems. Which would explain why, under all this pain and pressure, I feel like everything is alright. It's actually kinda weird. Before reading your book and actually looking at my thoughts objectively I would have been in a serious fix right about now. 

So I guess what I am getting at after all that fluff is... What can I do to stop my mind from racing all over the place trying to find a comfortable/ controlled situation, which only ends up freezing me in more pain? What do I need to fix or take care of? Childhood wounds(I think that's bull)? The back pain ( that might never end because it has been chronic)? The inability to focus? I'm at a loss. This morning my brain felt like molasses. So slow and unable to think. The strange thing is that if I was unable to think I wouldn't be able to write you this email so obviously I can think and obviously it makes some kind of sense so all is not lost. 

Oh yes and another question. What on earth did I do wrong/ Where did I go wrong? I don't know that you can answer that not knowing me at all but I thought I'd ask anyways. –T

Dear  T,

I don’t think that we “do things wrong.” I think that we are always in the right place to learn the lessons we must learn in order to become stronger, wiser and advance to the next level of awareness.  Of course, the lessons are often painful ones.

I also believe that when we are at our lowest ebb, when we think we can’t go on, we can humbly ask for help and help will come to us from somewhere, in some form, to guide us through our difficulty. Whenever I ask for help I protect myself from any possible “dark power “by insisting that any help must be “for the good of humanity.”

For chronic pain I can suggest hypnosis. There are many books on self-hypnosis, tapes, and courses available. I would suggest you take a course in self-hypnosis. Hypnosis is not only good for chronic pain but for learning how to relax. Yoga is also wonderful too for strengthening the body and learning how to breathe properly and relax. A. B. Curtiss