Your DECISION is the KEY to it all.

This is a further continuation of a conversation which began on Feb 13th

Dear A. B.

Thank you so much for your response. I'm still in that tentative state right now. Trying to make that switch from being fascinated with my inability to think clearly or even make rational thought process's to a more positive forward action. I guess I can't figure out how I'm making it. I believe God has something to do with that. 

 Your words ring true to me. I believe that my focus right now is on a whole bunch of solutions that I think will work to save me from myself and my own torturous thinking. The only problem is that they are all just thoughts and ideas. I don't do anything. Even right now I am just frozen. I want to do something. Something helpful and positive but all I can think about is the bajillion things that I can't seem to remember but that I know I need to do. 

I finally sat down and remembered that I wanted to email you back. That's something positive. It's just so hard because it seems like this happens everyday. I want some consistency and hope. I do feel that that this isn't permanent but I just want to feel some peace. Is that possible? I'm going to order that book you mentioned, A whole new life. I may order that other one about the paradoxical commandments as well. Thanks for you time. -T

Dear T

The Paradoxical Commandments and the Desiderata are just one-page pieces of wisdom. You can get them both on my depression website. Click on "Truly Inspirational."

It seems to me that you have not yet made a strong permanent decision that any negative thought is pointless and that you will, from this day hence refuse to think one as soon as you realize it has popped up; and that, from now on, you will only think productive or positive thoughts or, if that is not possible at the moment, do thought-jamming mind tricks/and or physical activity until you can transition from your anxious worry, over to a productive or more positive thought, or some productive physical activity or behavior.

It is a decision that one must make proactively. Your DECISION  is the KEY to it all. 

Remember that the primal mind, the subcortex triggers on its own, it is a human instinct. But the higher mind, the neocortex must be activated, on purpose, by you, or it will not necessarily function. It MAY jump into action as a result of random neural thought patterns that work by learned association and happen to work in your favor and turn away from the direction of depessive thinking rather than in the direction of depression. Remember the fact the the brain works by learned association and the brain follows the direction of the most current dominant thought is the reason depression is cyclical and always ends at some point. Learned association means it is in the very nature of depression to end. But we can, with mind tricks, cause this learned association to work faster and have depression end sooner which we want, rather than later, which we hate. 

This is the reason for the piece of ancient wisdom that "man is not forced to function from instinct alone, as are animals, he may choose to function from reason. This is freedom of the will which animals do not possess. They can be trained but they cannot make a decision to override their instincts. But the other important part of freedom of the will is that man is not forced to function from reason either. He has the choice to choose reason or simply float around in his emotions and instincts and let random learned associations decide the train of his thought.

It does help to have faith and hope as well that there is help for you. Do some thought-jamming and then look around and just do the next thing that is in your surround. Put away a book, pick up a paper, do the dishes. Hope and faith is rooted in the reality that there is always a next thing. Existence never leaves you without some small bit of thinking or some small task you can do.

Peace does not come from anxious thinking or non-activity. Peace is the result of your moving away from anxious thinking. The smallest positive thing you do turns you 180 degrees away from the negative because you are now headed in the opposite direction. You can build on that. The cornerstone of your building is decision. The decision that Marcus Aurelius made that “I will cling to nothing else but reason alone. 

You made a temporary, specific decision to email me. That is good. But you haven't made a permanent general decision to refuse to think a negative thought. This is like the difference between refusing to drink alcohol Wednesday night as opposed to henceforth giving up alcohol  forever, period.

A. B. Curtiss