Do Other People Like You?

My webmaster gave me this great quote from Dale Carnegie. She was telling me how important it is in my website to show things to people that will interest them rather than trying to get them interested in what I'm doing.

Here's the quote: "I can do more business in two months by being interested in other people than I can in two years by trying to get  other people interested in me."

This is really quite profound when you think about it. Not just a useful idea to increase business. Remembering this quote and putting it to practical use can make a positive change in your whole life. There are few people to whom the whole world just naturally gravitates. The rest of us must make some kind of effort to connect with others.

When we are trying to get people interested in us it's usually out of some kind of anxiety that we want to be well thought of. We may even be uptight without even knowing it. Whereas when we put our energy into being interested in other people we can relax a little. We are connecting with them not by trying to look good ourselves, but wanting to find out something about them. Showing them not that we should be important to them but that they are already important to us.

And in our listening to the stories of others we learn about them. They become more human to us. We find we like them better than when we didn't know anything about them. We find common ground. They become a fellow traveler on our path of life. And when we like them better, guess what happens? Then they like us better. It's quite magical.

So, let's not forget, in our haste to tell our own story, that listening to someone else can be far more rewarding than listening to ourselves. For both of us. 

Connecting With Others in Positive Way

Dear Ms,Curtiss, 

I have some thing really hurts the feeling well. I have a work mate which i have competitions for long time in politics. Trying to love to avoid hate feeling which show in face expressions in front of him to be faded.

Pls accept sharing feelings with you. I really need to shake my heart to have a clear love one.

Thanks Curtiss 

ANSWER:

Rudolf Steiner said that for us to reach higher levels of being in our own lives we should begin by a path of veneration. Instead of criticizing the person in front of us, enter lovingly into his merits as a human being and child of the universe as are we ourselves.

It is not so hard if you truly make the decision to venerate all life as sacred. Even the most brutal of men still have, within them, the possibility of redemption. A. B. Curtiss

Dear Curtiss, 

These days I tried to connect my soul with my partners soul. It seems very annoying practice to both partners soul and I want to get rid of this negative practice. 

Sometimes bad impression can come when I meet people from first time due to this practice. Deep communications between souls make me tired when there is negative thinking and negative energy which might be delivered easily to the next partners and they would start to hate this type of feelings and soul communications. Maybe fear from this practice is there too which affect cheerfulness.

Ms Curtiss, Pls can you advise on this types of communications. Loving and respect can help to change this but fear might be still there.

I really wants to stop this type of practice. 

Thanks

ANSWER:

I’m not sure what you mean by trying to connect with your partner’s soul. By your partner do you mean your wife? I thought I remembered that you were married and had a son? Is that right? The way to connect with anyone is to have a feeling of reverence for that person’s merits so that you are in a state of veneration for that person. Veneration is holding someone in highest regard. 

Dear Curtiss,

I meant all people around including my wife are feeling my negative energy and keeps me worried. Maybe it is fear 

Yes, I have son 9 years old and daughter 5 years . They are doing great and thanks Curtiss to ask about family 

My wife told me a story about one lady works with her and suffer from depression, this lady has full negativity and no love. Employees do not like to communicate with her because of this. 

Worried came to me due to this story which affect mine too, started thinking how souls communicate and how they get in touch from first impression. My wife felt this might affect myself due to that story.

But will accept this fear and will continue cheerful life 

T

hanks Curtiss for understanding and supporting 

Regards, 

ANSWER

While you are in their presence, think of them instead of thinking about yourself and how well you are connecting with them. Just focus you interest on the merits of that person don’t think about your own merits or faults. Self-focusing is a connection breaker. If your fear intrudes upon your attempt to connect simply notice it and allow the fear to flow. It is all right to be afraid. Try to relax into your own fear and instead of focusing on it, focus instead on the merits of the other person. A. B. Curtiss

Dear Curtiss, 

Thanks Curtiss for all the support you made to us which create big life changing towards positiveness and understanding how we treat our soul to help it to get out from deep depression .

Medication Didn't Help Me

QUESTION:

The reason I'm emailing you is that I came across your website; I am a living example of what you're teaching there. It is, by far, the most accurate description of depression I've seen. I want nothing more than to show your website to others that are suffering with depression.

To give you background, I was a successful entrepreneur living in New York City. About a year ago I changed jobs, started a new chapter in my life, and have been dealing with very difficult depression ever since. I saw multiple therapists, psychiatrists, and was prescribed multiple anti-depressants. None of it helped.

It wasn't until I reach a very low period in my depression that I decided to be a different person. I had enough. Within hours I was depression free, and have been ever since. It was a mindset change, but it took a deep serious belief in that change to lift me out of it. It was euphoric, like nothing I've ever experienced. The process allowed me to learn a lot about myself, my mind, and how to avoid / beat depression going forward.

I hope what you're teaching gains popularity and helps others. Because medication made the process harder; it made me feel slightly better, and reinforced the thought that something was wrong with me.

Thank you for taking the time to create that website and please let me know if there is any way I can help.

ANSWER:

When you say you decided to be a different person, could you be more specific? What is the difference between the person you were and the person you decided to become. I'm sure this description would be helpful to many people who read my blog. What, in particular, did you change in your mindset?

RESPONSE:

Sure, I confidently say the biggest change I made was how I perceived myself, and how I wanted the world to perceive me.

Before, I perceived myself as broken, sick, having a "disorder", confused, scared, needy, lazy, irresponsible, etc. It was a vicious cycle, because these thoughts led to behaviors that reinforced these perceptions. For example, I spent hours researching and ruminating about my condition, to the point where it affected the quality of my life and relationships. This made me feel worse and highlighted that something was seriously wrong with me. Now friends and family were joining in on the behavior, telling me to see a therapist, a doctor, that I had a chemical imbalance, etc. During this time I had extreme insomnia, which also created a slew of physical and mental symptoms. As a result, I was consistently late to work and other engagements. I had little energy. So not only were my friends and family noticing something, but also my colleagues at work. My professional reputation took a hit. Which again reinforced my negative perception and around we went.

Things turned around when I started studying and understanding how the brain works. I finally had hope that I could correct these problems without medication, backed by real understandable science. There was an explanation beyond a "chemical imbalance". That immediately lifted the "I'm broken" mindset and paved the way to a better more positive one. Without that understanding, I'd still be stuck in that cycle. Then I started reading a book called Resilience, which is about turning hardship into something positive. That was the nudge I needed. And, for lack of a better explanation, it was like a switch flipped in my head. I decided I was better than this and that I was going to be the person I wanted to be. Fuck the past, I'm going to be the person I want to be today. Instantly I felt better. I decided on the following changes in my life:

1. Wake up at 7am every day. Sleeping in reinforced those negative perceptions.

2. Train for an Iron Man and pick a charity to do it for. I used to love exercise, nutrition, and being healthy. This past year I very rarely contributed to any of those things. This was also send a strong signal to others in my life that I'm not the negative traits I listed.

3. Start a personal project that I have long been wanting to do involving software engineering.

From that moment forward I felt like I had a goal, a challenge, and an immediate purpose in life. I had an actionable solution. I've been sleeping great, I get up at 7 like I wanted, I've been enjoying the gym, exercise, nutrition. Everything that used to be enjoyable in life has all come back, and it's reinforcing my positive mindset.

I hope that wasn't too long. I know that you're a person that touches a lot of people in my previous position, and I have a small hope that this email will somehow help others you're working with. It's something that is weighing on my mind. I feel this obligation to share what I learned and help others stuck in depression. Not only can I confidently say I beat depression, but I feel stronger and more stable than before. I understand what depression is, how to beat it, and how to avoid it. In fact, it goes both ways. I can use what I learned to create an even more positive mindset; one that I could have never achieved before. As a result, I feel a level of happiness and confidence I have never felt.