Thursday, March 24, 2011
I Need Advice on Getting Organized
Dear A. B.
I have been reading the answer you wrote to "T" and have concerns myself.
First though, I want to thank you for what you wrote about yourself at the beginning. I have been doing the "every day,in every way, I'm getting better and better" but I hadn't been adding stuff like you did, as to what's getting better. so I sat down and wrote one out for myself, dealing with my own situation, and am using that today.
Like "T" I get discouraged that my bouts of depression are returning.
I just returned from visiting a friend in the city (I live on an island) and during my last night there, I experienced constant urination during the night, making trips to the bathroom less than an hour apart, all night. No pain, (I hadn't had much liquid before bed).
The next day, during my trip home, I was fine, but then last night when reading before bed, it started again. So I got out my health books, went on the internet and found they have a name for this, starts with an "N" ( I guess for nocturnal). They said this can occur in "older" people (I"m in my sixties) and is a sign of something more serious going on. They suggested lung cancer, and I've had a cough this past while, but thought that was due to a bug I got from school where I'm still teaching.
My thoughts started to get out of control. My house is near the ocean and I started thinking that perhaps now is the time for me to just walk down there and end my life now. (When I was younger I've been hospitalized for suicide attempts, but once discovering your books, I had stopped that).
Instead I went to your blog and read the advice you gave to T.
Yet, I've been spending so much time on the internet reading past blogs that I'm getting nothing accomplished, in regards to all the chores I have to do here,as our spring break from school is almost over. This has been a pattern with me for a while now. My organizing skills are poor. I am alone now, kids live in a different places, was dumped by my man for a much younger woman. So , not knowing how to keep up with my house, I've let so many maintenance issues slide and I keep getting bouts of depression that I'll loose my house, won't be able to sell it for much etc. Then when I recognize how I'm thinking depressive thoughts, I'll work at getting out of them, go to your website and before you know it, a good chunk of the day is gone.
I used to tell myself "one day at a time. start with one thing". Then I'd feel better that I got one thing done,but really I'm getting nowhere.
I think that's why last night, when I started thinking I might have serious health problems that the thought of walking into the ocean came.
I will return to the advice you gave to "T" and work on that.
Yet, I wondered if you could comment on how I can get better organized with my house. I had a bad fire a few years ago, and the insurance co. had to remove everything from the house because of the water damage. Many things were returned to me ,in boxes, that they had cleaned up. I still have so many of those boxes sitting here as I haven't been able to find a place to put them. Many are boxes of books that I need so I just keep them in those boxes. This all sounds so much like self-pity.
It's expensive to get to the city by ferry to buy bookshelves. I tried but then there was a big delivery charge as I couldn't fit them in my small car. I was able to get the bigger furniture bought and the insurance co. paid for that delivery as it was large items.
I feel my disorganization is fueling my depressions. Last night, when I thought of ending my life now, I felt so bad for my own children who would have to come and clean up all the clutter her.
At the end of the day, when I realize I've wasted yet another one, without getting much done, I used to tell myself that it was "OK" as at least I hadn't tried suicide that day.
I'm not teaching full time as our kindergarten has only been half days, yet they are changing that next year. However, I'm usually exhausted when I get home from work as the 25, five year olds, wear me out.
So my income is not big enough to afford a housecleaner. I'm starting to wonder if I should try and re-mortgage my house and use some equity from it, to hire one of those "clutter cleaners" to help me get organized.
Thank you again for all your blogs and hope you can advise me on the about.
Just do the next thing. Look around and do what is close at hand, the next thing will already be making itself clear. Things that seem impossible can be accomplished by breaking them down into baby steps. Since you are a beginner at being organized, take the baby steps and begin.
Think about what you are doing and not about what you are feeling. You might even stop and try to feel some gratitude for a small job accomplished, even take joy in something small. Give it a try.
You can substitute nonsense verses for your self-focus on your feelings and move in the affirmation of Every day in every way I'm getting better and better.
Also you need to find a community of like-minded people-by attending some church or doing some local volunteering or even by going to the library to re-engage with life that's ongoing
A. B. Curtiss