Hi Everyone,
I've been booksigning in NYC this week and will return home on June 7. One interesting conversation I had was with a woman about her divorced husband. She said she would choose, as her next husband, someone who "brought out the best in her instead of the worst."
Perhaps that might be a good start. However, a real value in any relationship, it seems to me, is one that shows your your faults so that you can correct them. And who better to bring our your faults than a husband. The trick is to "get" the idea that blaming is the way we avoid the pain of our own fear. So when we start blaming our husband for his bad behavior, and we remember to turn the focus back on ourselves, we will experience that old repressed fear that we need to acknowledge and allow to finish. A. B. Curtiss
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Yes, it is the sane response to not see criticism, rejection, lack of approval etc., from a spouse as vital to one's peace and happiness. If I'm not a fearful person, I don't need to protect myself, insulate myself from the slings and arrows of life, including marriage's ups & downs.
If I am so attatched to getting love, approval, support, whatever, from anyone, is it really even another person I am in love with at all? Maybe it's having my way that I am more in love with.
I want my husband to behave like a prince in a fairytale. But why should he? What does that have to do with him? Have I ever really seen my partner, met my partner, as I obsess about how he falls short, how he should be in any given situation. Why should he be anything but himself? Why should he twist himself into a pretzel or change his stripes into spots? Do I love him, or do I love having someone to manipulate?
Why do I need someone to "bring out my best?" Maybe I should focus on bringing out my best & just not stand in the way of my partner being his authentic self, thus, allowing him to be his best,real self.
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