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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I'm Starting to See the Difference Between Outer-focus and Self Focus

Dear A.B.,
Yes, something happened to make me  understand the different ways of thinking very much! I was so late, it was almost an emergency and I had to focus all my thoughts on getting to work asap that there was no space for self-focus.

I was grateful I had work to get me out of the despair I felt upon waking up.

Now, how can I apply this more and more to work?  I have some project planning that I have to do. These kinds of things cause me anxieties. Such as listening to people present their ideas(who will be leading corporate seminars )... or like last night when there was a work dinner.  I find it really hard to focus on what others are saying. There is so much self focus going on with me that for everything they say, I have an inner reaction.  I feel the contrast between us.  It's almost like I can feel the strong old wiring and the effort to derail, which results in a tension in the scalp.  It's the resistance to forming new neuropathways  

Last night, as I was talking and asking questions and focusing on the others ( usually when not depressed I can be very social ) I could feel my scalp tense up, as if my old brain system / wiring didn't want to derail and form new tracks.  I also found myself just not interested at all in others, and what they had to say.   Nonetheless, as I finished the evening and was alone, I  congratulated myself for going in to work, not giving up, putting on a brave face so as not to show to others, and attempting to make brainswitch work.  I was able to choose positive thoughts as I went to bed.  

My question is how can I make outer-directed thinking happen more and more in non emergency, situations? Y_________

Dear Y___________

The important thing is that you now know the difference between outer-directed thinking and depressive self-focus, and you know you have the power to choose between the two. You also know how to do it--brainswitch. Now it is a matter of practice. The more you switch into outer-directed, thinking the better outer-directed you will become.

As for not being interested in others, or feeling tension when they are speaking, this comes from your own repressed fear. When you feel coldly toward others it should be a clue to you to, at that moment, turn your focus on your feelings and you will then fear some fear which you can accept by relaxing your whole body. Look at some of the anti-stress exercises in Brainswitch out of Depression, especially anti-stress exercise #1 and #2 These are great for by yourself or in the company of others..

If you choose to focus on your feelings in order to accept them, it is different from accidental self-focusing on your feelings and hating them at the same time you are slipping into them and identifying with them as your whole reality.

You will need to get in touch with this repressed fear because it is having its effect on your being able to connect with other people. Instead of connecting with them, your are in opposition to them in some way. They annoy you, or you have disdain for them, or you fear them in some way. This is due to repressed fear. Remember that anger is fear turned outward toward others. Depression is fear turned inward.

You can get in touch with your repressed fear in the company of others by turning your focus on your feelings when your thoughts are mean or angry or annoyed. You can also get in touch with your repressed fear even when you are alone--read Chapter 10 in Depression is a Choice." A. B. Curtiss

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