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Friday, March 18, 2011

My Anxiety and Depression

Yesterday I seemed to be suffering low grade depression/anxiety brought about, I assume, from the nagging pain in my leg. I went about my business and did all my daily chores and attended to all my responsibilities, including cheerfulness for my husband. Why should he be burdened with my inability to get myself thinking straight? And besides, talking and thinking about your ailments is absolutely counter productive. Better to make an effort thinking and imagining yourself well and telling people you are "better and better." I was also using the positive and reasonable affirmation "I can do this" and "I am going to do this" when difficult responsibilities arose, like meeting the tax man to do our taxes and having to concentrate on the facts and figures. Walking helps the pain and lying down. Sitting however pinches a nerve.

When I started to freak out with fearful thinking, I used a couple of old tricks--"yes, we have no bananas" helped to stave off going into a panic attack, and "hippoty hop to the barber shop" worked also. They kept me kind of stable for the day although I wasn't enjoying my usual state of calm happiness. I tried the Coue mantra a couple of times but it doesn't block the fearful thinking right away like my old mind tricks and there is the problem of acceptance by the Unconscious mind from the extremely high beta level of brain activity which I was into. I'll talk about this tomorrow.

About 5 pm I told my husband I was going to do a little nap/hypnosis for about 15 minutes on the family room couch while he was reading in his den. Generally we watch the six o'clock news together. I relaxed my body, did the open eyed stare toward the back of my head, counted down 500, 300, 100 then 10 to 1 with the "deeper and deeper" and when my brainwaves were lowered I used the Coue mantra, out loud but not so my husband could hear me, just audible for me twenty times out loud then continued just thinking the phrase until the trance was so deep I fell asleep. A telephone call woke me, which I answered. The calm, okayness did return and the fearful anxiety/depression lifted and I spent a nice evening, slept well and every time I woke up at night repeated the mantra DAY BY DAY IN EVERY WAY I'M GETTING BETTER AND BETTER 20 times.

I woke up this morning refreshed and feeling really good and my leg is quite comfortable--better and better. I'm having physical therapy this morning and then will go swimming. I can't swim in my cold pool because it cramps up my leg muscles so I swim now in a heated pool and try to do so every day to regain my strength. I'm still considered "in rehab" and am supposed to "go slow."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am testing this to see if this works.

Arline, I have been a big fan of yours since "Depression is a Choice" came out. You were nice enough to reply back to me in private email about some questions I had.

I just recently found your blog and have been following it every day. If this "anonymous" feature works, I plan on responding to your blog, as well as asking you for some support during my depressive times.