Dear A. B.
I need to hear that this does get easier. Do you know of other people who struggled like this in the beginning, but won anyway? Right now it seems as if I am just one endless stream of negative thoughts. I am wanting to grab for anything that will end them. I grab for a "green frog" and between each damn green frog there is a negative thought squeezing in! If I am not green frogging I am thinking about depression! I structure each day with one objective....In which setting will it be easiest for me to ignore my negative thinking. I still have a lot of fear. I am afraid of my weekends b/c they don't have much structure so how will I keep from thinking?
A major thought that comes back every time and all day long is that what I do each day really matters. "What will you do tonight my brain asks. Oh really? That's all? Hmm I wonder what other more worthy people will be doing? You should be doing that" Then I get all the fun, weird, paranoid thoughts like "You have conciousness, you can realize that you are sitting here and you can watch yourself" That really freaked me out last night. I can watch myself...and I seem to do it all the time. Ok, enough...I will re-commit the rest of the day to thinking neutral or positive. But I would love to hear if you have seen other people be discouraged and then come through anyway. R_________
Why is it that we all want to do extraordinary things instead of being satisfied with a simple, ordinary life where we accomplish small productive things every day. To make the day count, we just need to move ahead with our lives and connect in loving ways with those people we come in contact with. Why do we think we need to accomplish some great deed? Maybe we're just supposed to accomplish little things. Why isn't that good enough? No doubt I will never be a celebrity, never be like the well-known authors appearing on Oprah. Does that mean I should stop pursuing my craft and doing the very best I can?