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Friday, October 15, 2010

I Responded to the Mocking with Courage and He Felt Ashamed

This is further correspondence ( See blog Tuesday, October 5, 2010) with the man who was having trouble with being  mocked and feeling ashamed when he confessed to his friend that he was struggling with depression. In addition,   the same man was also having some difficulties with his three year old son.  I haven’t edited for grammar. Although this man obviously has trouble communicating in English,  I think there is a great deal of charm  and honesty in the way he expresses himself that goes straight to the heart, although it is not perfect. I was afraid I would lose this if I just “put it all right” grammar-wise.

Dear A. B.

Thanks so much for your support. I could respond to him by my courage and he felt shame. He hugged me the next time he saw me.

I need to ask you about my 3 age of my child. I notice he has lots of fear of every thing like his toys. he fear of the small balls to sink in the bath tub. He always say I am fear of things. 

What should I do in this case.  R__________

Dear R_______,

Congratulations on your courage in stopping your friend from making fun of you and bullying you about your being depressed. There is a basic need for us to love each other, and if we have the courage to take our space, and reveal ourselves  to one another truly, without fear, sometimes that love happens.

As for your son. We all fear things we don't understand. Fear is our first impulse. Teach your son other things besides the ball that are not fearful for him. Don't tell him not to be afraid. Show him how the ball sinks, and then comes back up. Throw the ball up and down. Make it a game. Tickle him with the ball. He will soon start to understand that there are many ways to see things--you can see the fearful aspect of things,  and you also can see the interesting and fun aspect of  things.

Also many children are afraid of the drain in the tub when they see the water going down. They have to learn that they won't also go down the drain and that other things like their toys will not also disappear down the drain. They don't have that knowledge yet that some things will go down the drain and disappear and some things are safe from going down the drain because they won't fit through the hole. They are not born with that understanding, they have to learn it.

My four year old son said there were lions hiding in the hall on his way to bed. I asked him if he was afraid of the lions. No, he said, "bad lions never bite me, cause laughing lions like me. So help your child see that if he has imaginary fears, he can also  imagine things to take care of his fears. If he imagines the ball is lost in the water, help him make up another story how the ball "saves itself by jumping up." You get the idea. A. B. Curtiss

Dear A. B.

I did it today with my child and he seems accepted the way you told me to do and he played by balls in the water.  thanks so much for your advice   

This is the second week I take him to the child care in the university and I try to keep him three to four hours a day for three days a week. 

He seems stressed when I take him and cry when I leave him there. I do not know should I continue with him because I paid 900$. 

Thanks so much for the help. You helped me a lot.  R___________

Dear R___________

Does he just cry when you leave him or is he unhappy while he is there?  Ask the child care center how long he cries after you leave. If he's unhappy a long time that is one thing, but if he's just trying to get more of your attention by complaining when you leave him and two minutes later he's busy playing, that is not serious. Just simply ignore his complaints and cheerfully bid him goodbye, After a while, if he gets no attention for his crying, he'll stop.THis is only the second week and it's strange for him. He hasn't settled into the routine yet. A. B. Curtiss

Dear A. B.

sorry, we almost done with the 3rd week in the childcare. R__________

Dear R_________

I would try it for the rest of the month and see if he improves. You could give him a teddy bear or toy to keep with him while he is at school. Bring it home from school and let him have it before you take him in the morning, and let him keep it during school time and bring it home again. . A. B. Curtiss

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