Maybe “depression” was a retreat from the pain resulting from life experiences and events of which I didn’t have the tools to deal with. I allude to this thinking in a book that I’m (unofficially) working on. I can trace a lot of the early stages of my depression to times in my life that I was faced with adversity and didn’t have basic life skills to process it. Nor did I unfortunately, “think” I had a network of family, friends to help me understand how to process it.
That’s what SSRI’s always did during the first few weeks anyway. Then there were the times when I was (actually) banging my head against the wall because I was overly medicated and most likely suffering from serotonin syndrome.Then there’s the flat line episodes where it seems like all my feelings are just dead. Seems like, and this is from inconsistent and short-lived commitments as I’ve admitted in my early posts, the best times on medication come after the first few weeks and during the few days during which I ween myself off.
I agree with her on this point as well. And this is coming from someone that understands the horrors of having to get back home after dropping your child off at school so you could lock the door behind you because the world outside was just too damn overwhelming. I’ve experienced panic attacks from anxiety and the extreme lows of depression. So I have room to comment.
Today I pray for acceptance of all the parts of my self. That others will always learn to know, understand and embrace the good, bad and ugly parts in life. I pray for direction, for wisdom and clarity.