Are you the A. B. Curtiss I read about in Time Magazine?

I hope I've found A. B. Curtiss (Board-certified Cognitive Behavorial Therapist)?

I saw your Letter in the Feb issue of TIME magazine, and I wonder if I could get some free advice on dealing with my wife's unipolar depression/schizo-effective disorder, and basically, her inordinate sense of fear.

I hope I've found the right person. If not, sorry.

Thanks, P. R.

Dear P. R.

Yes, I am the A. B. Curtiss whose letter was in Time Magazine. I will comment on the phrase "inordinate sense of fear." Usually this comes from not have sufficient rewarding experiences, or positive feedback, or parental coaching as a child where one felt accomplished and safe at home and respected by peers at school.

Since it is human nature to be afraid of anything new, most people, little by little, deal with fear in their ongoing daily lives from childhood, and build up a sense of psychological strength. The first step, the first lie, the first birthday party, the first embarrassment, the first big loss.

All our first experiences of life are fearful (anything fearful is, ipso facto, painful) because they involve risk, and if the person does not come forward and make their stand, and their fear is not faced early on, it is repressed. This means that for such a person it gets harder and harder to deal with life instead of easier and easier. They become more and more fearful and their fear makes it harder and harder to handle life’s daily challenges.

I'll give you as an example two girls, just about the same age. One was raised in an atmosphere best described as lack of stress. She was coached by her mom from babyhood to stand up to, and handle, fearful situations. She is socially and psychologically strong. The other girl was raised by an equally talented mom who, although loving and devoted to her children, did not handle her own stress well and, constantly screamed at her children and gave them conflicting instructions so the children were under a lot of stress when they were young. So the second girl was filled with repressed fear and the subject of bullying until she got some steady life coaching to get her to start facing her fear more forthrightly.

Things that the first girl had no trouble with, the second one was terrified and froze. After I explained the situation to her she understood that she had to start facing her fears and it would be very hard for her. She was a trooper and it took about a year of many hours coaching a week by phone to walk her through a vicious bullying situation in her senior year at high school. Now she’s also strong and able to handle current challenges.

My own mother, bless her heart, was also a screamer so I was especially qualified to help this particular girl as I had to go through the same thing myself. I was diagnosed with manic-depression (they call it bi-polar now) and was a neurotic, fearful person, until I was in my late 40s. I wrote about my journey out of manic-depression in my book “Depression is a Choice.” (it's usually for sale on amazon.com “used” for $2 or $3.) Chapter 10 talks about how I got in touch with my repressed fear. I am no longer a manic-depressive and haven't been for 20 years. I am convinced it is not necessary to take drugs for it either.

People like yourself, probably, handled their fear properly as they went along. My own husband was like that. But people like me and your wife can't do it unconsciously the way you did. Her fear is so built up that she will have to educate herself a little bit, and make a conscious effort to handle it.

It is so darn painful to handle things as an adult that should have been handled as a child that many people are unwilling to do it and prefer to take medication or self-medicate with alcohol or drugs. Most therapy concentrates on childhood experiences and wallowing in old stuff too long. But it helps people feel safe to do therapy and no human being can proceed without some small semblance of safety and acceptance somewhere.

I've tried to provide that feeling of safety in my two books and I answer anyone'squestions via email. Don't get too hung up on diagnoses. They are used mainly get insurance companies to pay for treatment and, I’m afraid, too often the diagnoses they make allow the psychiatrists to think they know something that you don't. Almost all the diagnoses in the DSM IV (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) are based on self-reported symptoms and behavior, not on brain physiology, or medical fact. Hope this helps. A. B. Curtiss

Dear A. B. Curtiss

Thank you so much for your reply. (My $5 to a specialized Internet search engine wasn't wasted after all!) Your observations are very helpful, and confirm what I already understand about my wife's situation. Her family-of-origin could have been cited in the book, "Toxic Families." Her mother made "The Wicked Witch of the West" of Oz look like the Tooth Fairy!

Already a sensitive person as a small child, by now, at 52, my wife is on Clozaril, Klonopin, Wellbutrin, and Lamictal for her emotionalstate (used to be on Risperdal), and has Prevacid and other stuff for the digestive problems the psych meds cause. She has had her parents and two ex-husbands abandon her in "loony-bins" too, so she has serious abandonment issues too. On top of all that she has physical problems that cause her constant pain. I will check out your website. Thank you so very much for responding. God Bless!

Dear P. R.

On my website www.depressionisachoice.com there is a review of my book “Depression is a Choice” by Biblical Exegesis that translates some of my terms into Christian terms. You might be interested in that. I am convinced that the human soul is never scarred by psychological problems, and we are remarkably resilient if we have a
will to work on ourselves. A. B. Curtiss

Dear A. B.

I read your recommended review, and I wholeheartedly agree. As I looked around on your website I saw that I already use some of the mind-control techniques you suggest for my own benefit, even though I don't suffer from any emotional disorder as such, just the ordinary hurts of living in the world.

You assert "the human soul is never scarred by psychological problems" and I certainly hope that is true. Getting my practically helpless wife to take responsiblilty, and assert the will to heal herself is going to be a real challenge. She has physical pains that are beyond her control (and beyond the control of any doctors we know of so far), so why not her emotional pains too? And I have even been guilty of affirming the same to her at times, but no more. I must be very tactful though, and pray for Divine guidance. I also will read more of your exercises on your website. God Bless!

Dear P. R.

It helps to know how the brain processes pain and emotion. All pain, physical and emotional, is produced only in the subcortex, the neocortex cannot produce either , and therefore, neither pain nor emotion is even present in the neocortex. Furthermore, in order for a human being to feel any pain. The messages that pain or emotion is being produced in the body must go up the brain from the subcortex to the neocortex and not only be received but acknowledged in the neocortex. This is why a player can break an arm in a football game and feel no pain until the game is over. That's because his neocortical concentration on the game has thoughtjammed his acknowledgment in the neocortex that pain is being produced in the subcortex.

The human process of pain perception is why my methods and exercises work for depression and this is why hypnosis works for pain and can substitute for anesthesia even in heart surgery. Most doctors know little or nothing about the process of pain perception. They just know to hand out pills and rely on the advertisements of the drug companies to know which ones to hand out.

Your wife might profit from some knowledge of hypnosis. Most people's idea of hypnosis is that you lose conscious control of your mind which is just the opposite of what really happens. Hypnosis is controlling your own mind. Stage hypnosis is kind of a trick of the person who suddenly has an excuse to let go of all their inhibitions and perform antics they wouldn't do otherwise.

You might look into a book by Reynolds Price, “A Whole New Life. ” Hypnosis is a wonderful device for pain, insomnia and depression. Hypnosis is a temporary situation but as in the case of Reynolds below, we are not constantly in pain, only when we think about it. So whenever Reynolds thought about his pain, he did the little exercises to separate the message from the subcortex to the neocortex that he was in pain. This is what I do for depression.You can usually get Price's book for less than a dollar on amazon.com

Here’s a review about Reynold’s book from Publisher’s Weekly:

Novelist and poet Reynolds Price ( book: A Long and Happy Life ) here manages to turn his battle with spine cancer into a tough, sometimes funny, always moving and optimistic tale. His writing is eloquent enough to encompass his worst anguish; but his intellectual rigor, combined with convictions that never desert him, precludes self pity. Price now cheerfully calls himself "a certified gimp, in working order." He was first diagnosed in 1984 and during the next four years had surgery, suffered continual and severe pain and became permanently confined to a wheelchair:

"My whole body felt caught in the threads of a giant hot screw and bolted inward to the point of screaming." He was heavily drugged and unable to function as either a writer or a friend. In 1987, he began treatment with hypnotist Patrick Logue of Duke University's psychiatric department with remarkable results: "I instantly knew I was free in a way I'd never felt before in my life, surely not for a moment of the past three years."

Price learned from Logue to manage his pain without drugs and is writing again: fiction, essays, movie and TV scripts. His book is for all who suffer. Through it, with utter simplicity, threads a testament to the power of prayer, which Price calls "the first strong prop beneath my own collapse." He concludes "I've lead a mainly happy life," and, more astonishingly, "I know that this new life is better for me." What higher praise is there than to say we believe him?

Dear A. B.

Very interesting about the power of mind over pain. Since hypnosis has some bad connotations associated with its name (one person's mind controlling another person's mind, as in stage hypnosis, which is quite scary to most people) I'd suggest finding a different term to describe it. I read about the subcortex and neocortex on your website, and I'll read more as time allows.
Thanks again, P.R

Dear P. R.
Maybe we could leave out the hyp and call it knowsis

Dear A. B.

How about "nowing," for staying "in the now," the duties of the present moment, instead of floating around in the sad dreamland of depression.(?) Just brainstorming here...... seems like someone has already used the phrase "staying in the now" for some purpose, but I can't remember what.

Dear P. R.

Most people talk about staying in the now. But they mostly misunderstand that staying in the now has nothing whatever to do with time, either past, future, or present. Staying in the now is a matter of moving your concentration of attention from your subcortex to your neocortex, because only from the neocortex are you able to connect with present reality. Your clear and immediate interaction with present reality is NOW.