Dear A. B. Curtiss
I have just reviewed your website for the first time. I see your information to be very discerning and not too generic, like a lot of information I find on depression, etc.
I have recycled into a depressive episode (first one I was aware of was 4 years ago) after really trying to improve my physical health. It was initially diagnosed as PTSD, but I think all of these problems have similar root causes. Unfortunately, I had a stress event (job loss) that came at the wrong time. I could feel the problem coming this time. It seems to be particularly insidious this time with the deep numbness of emotion, but I am more aware of what I am dealing with. Nevertheless it is very painful and hard to bear.
My question is why does your brain literally not want to move down a path toward finding joy when you are in this state? I find myself in emotional pain literally hating to try to think something pleasant. It's like my brain is compelled to be stuck in this pitiful state that can be debilitating (can't concentrate, can't feel, etc.). I've never understood that. You try to connections to good feelings/moods of the past and you can't do it. This stuff is so not me from most of my years.
Dear GH
First of all, all the pain, trauma and upset is in the subcortex. There is never any emotional pain or upset in the neocortex. The subcortex is our original brain. The subcortex was all we had before we developed the neocortex (new brain) on top of it. Because the subcortex is our original primal defense mechanism, it takes precedence over the neocortex every time. The subcortex is a our basic instinct, our survival instinct, and we are programmed to pay attention to it first. This is why it is so easy to be depressed. We don't have to do anything. Our attention is immediately riveted to any emotional pain. Depression and fear and panic work automatically.
The neocortex, is a further development of our brain and is not necessarily self-triggering. It may be triggered through learned association (which is how the brain works—think of “salt” and the thought “pepper” pops up) In order to be sure the neocortex will function during stressful times we must "on purpose" call for it to work. We do this by giving it some task. (during a depressive episode we might say to our neocortex--okay what exercise should I do to get out of this pain. Then, if you have previously programmed a few possibilities of exercises into your memory banks, your neocortex will then get to work and come up with a possibility for you.
But getting the thinking brain to work as an act of will is much harder then having our emotional brain activate by itself . We have to tear ourselves away from our instinctual emotion in order to contact and activate our non-instinctual reasoning. As long as we understand this difficulty, we have a choice, we have a possibility of exerting ourselves to make the switch from emotion to reason. But if we don't really understand how our brain functions, we generally just wait for something better to occur to us than our pain. We wait to feel happy rather than immediately moving in a more positive direction which would ultimately lead to happiness. We don't take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and make happiness happen. We can make it happen. It is very doable. But it is always harder to function from reason than emotion. This is called freedom of the will--our choice to function from reason rather than be forced to function from instinct. Our subcortex happens on it own, which is why we are suddenly plunged into depression. We have to will our neocortex. Hope this helps. A.B. Curtiss
Dear AB
That was very helpful. Frankly I'm a little skeptical of CBT in general because I had visited a CBT psychologist when I slipped into my first depressive episode 6 years ago, and he wasn't very sympathetic. I couldn't even concentrate on my name at that time. Fortunately, although this time the pain is consistent and intense, it is not as overwhelming to my conscious thought.
A couple of other questions I thought of last night. What do you recommend to help sleep when you are in the trenches with this? I know sleep is real important and linked to the depression, but I did not want to not rely on prescription medications (because of side effects). I haven't found anything yet that has worked in the food store. Also, how long do you typically see it takes for someone in a moderate to severe state to break the cycle and begin having a lower level of drive, motivation and joy without depressive symptoms?
I have some exercises in my book Brainswitch out of Depression for insomnia, and there are also some exercises on my website for insomnia if you don't want to get the book.. You basically use the same technique to get to sleep that you use to get out of depression, using exercises to switch from the subcortex to the neocortex. The main difference is that in getting to sleep you want to bore your neocortex with monotony, but to get out of depression you want the neocortex up and running with creativity and new stimulating ideas for more productive thinking.
I used to have depressions that lasted from two weeks to several months. Now that I use the brain-switching exercises I generally don't suffer depression for more than 20 minutes, sometimes only 5 minutes. It comes back all the time because when I am asleep I get into it, and two out of three mornings I wake up in deep depression. But using one or the other of my dumb little exercises, I am out of it in a few minutes so that depression no longer has much of an impact on my life. Depression is now more like having nightmares. They are gone as soon as I turn my attention away from them to something more productive. And in a few minutes after I direct my thinking elsewhere, the chemical imbalance (caused by anxious thinking triggering the fight or flight response and dumping the stress chemical in my brain) resolves itself and the pain is gone.
In a way you have to ask yourself the question, "Okay, what am I going to choose to do now instead of doing my depression." AB Curtiss
Dear AB
You've been great. With the literally thousands of $$$ I have spent on treatment over the last few years, I've never understood why I could not "move" my brain to more "normal" thinking rather than sit there in a semi-fog everyday, watching my children, etc. while I ruminate in anguish, irritability, heaviness, etc. If there is something in my past that is haunting me, God knows I've looked for it. If there is bitterness, God knows I want to release it. There just seems to be more to it that I don't know that I can control, and with God's help, I can find thought patterns that "entice" me and get me on the right track to normal thinking.
I assume you are referring to Depression is a Choice when you say "Brainswitch" book. I look forward to learning more about how to take a stand on this effectively. Thanks, again. GH
Dear AB
Where is your therapy practice based? I'll get your book.
I feel like I'm doing a decent job managing the disorder this time, but ignoring it did not get it to completely remit last year. Maybe I was not proactive enough. I want to be proactive this time, without giving it more attention than it deserves. It did seem to overtake me last Fall with a renewed intensity, and I felt powerless to do anything about it. I'm just tired of the momentary desperation I get from day to day. Maybe you discuss the process and the cycle more in depth in your book.
Dear GH
You are not powerless over what your brain thinks. You can choose what it thinks. I am in San Diego however I do not take private patients anymore. I will answer anyone's email and I do not charge for this. I also suggest you get Deprssion is a Choice on amazon.com I think you can pick it up used for just a couple of dollars. AB
Dear AB
Thank you. I guess my last comment/question for now is your point about how quick the thoughts are that come in from the subcortex. For example I have been sitting here trying to work for most of the day. I can stay fairly on task, but I have rumination and desperation that "flairs" in my thinking without warning. I almost feel dizzy at times from what I suppose is the tension. When I speak to someone on the phone and try to interject some "passion and empathy" in to conversation that is painful. Thinking in the future is also difficult to imagine.
When you are at this level of the disorder, how are you able to keep yourself distracted enough to make it through large periods of time? Is distraction, then, how your brain can then readjust to normal life circumstances and move out of the "panic/desperation" mode? Hosea 4:6 says that God's people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. I'm trying to understand fully what we I am dealing with and be as proactive as I can. I've been exposed to so much information about depression relating to its root causes that I'm just confused, and I haven't been able to make a dent in fighting it. Should I just plan to have no emotion for several months, etc. and to be "on guard" at all times. It's hard not have a reprieve with some joy in it, yet I know this battle can be fought successfully.
Thanks for all the information. You, I'm sure, have been a help to a lot of people.
Dear GH
What will help you tremendously is to understand how your brain works--the Brainswitch book will educate you about that. Not knowing how your brain works, you are probably giving your brain wrong instructions. Once you know how it works, you can immediately notice if it has gone off course and you will know how to redirect it before anxiety becomes entrenched. When I think of all the years I let my own brain decide my life instead of using my brain to have the life I want. But it's never too late to be smart. AB
Dear GH
I have ordered both books, and will do. Are these techniques the only tools you used to definitely address your depressive symptoms over time?
Dear GH
Trying to get your mind in order without knowing how your brain works is like trying to turn a screw in a hard piece of wood with your bare hands. You don't have the proper tools. Read Depression is a Choice for the philosophy of how you get out of Depression and read Brainswitch out of Depression for the neuroscience and techniques of how you get out of depression. I’ll be glad to answer any questions as you read. AB Curtiss
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